Fill Away, My Friend.
The Unkissed Man (1) My FatherWhat was your childhood like? What was your dad like? Did you get along?
My father didn't think much of me ___ up. He was constantly telling me I was useless and would never ___ to anything. It got pretty ___ sometimes. I remember being in my grandfather’s plane at 12,000 feet once and my dad was yelling such terrible things at me that at one point I tried to open the door and jump out.
The Unkissed Man (2) On The Safe SideWhen your father was violent, what did he do to you? Did you ever stand up to him? Did he ever punish you for something you didn't do?
I was such a small, ___ child and he was a big muscular guy; I didn’t even come up to his waist. I was totally at his ___ . I was too weak to defend myself or stand up to him and anyway, if I'd ever tried, I wouldn't be sitting here now—I'm pretty sure he would have killed me, and I'm not exaggerating.
The Unkissed Man (2-1) The SchoolWhat was your social life like when you were growing up? Were you bullied in high school? What was it about you that made the other kids dislike you?
I did have some friends, but I still got beat up and teased and ___ on a regular basis because of how I looked. I was such an easy target. I was this rail-thin nerd whose left eye was ___ up and who ___ cardboard in his shoes to make himself look taller. As if that weren't enough I had crooked teeth, ___ all over his face and really bad BO.
The Unkissed Man (2-2) How I Spend My DaysDo you work at the moment? Do you have financial worries? Who do you stay with?
No. I'm having some leg trouble and my back is out, not to mention many other medical ___ . I gave up any hope of ever getting a ___ job and a ___ paycheck a long time ago. At this point I’m just waiting to get a decision on my disability so I can ___ off the government.
Get The Machete! (1) The MacheteMy Dad has given me nothing ___ advice my whole life. Not good advice necessarily, just random advice. In fact, ___ to think of it, he only gave me one piece of good advice in my entire life. This happened when I was 18. ___ when I sold my comic book collection and moved out of my parent's house.
Get The Machete! (2) The Monkey and the OutfitsLike ___ poor kids, growing up my dad really wanted a monkey. There used to be a chain of department stores in Boston in the 60s that sold everything that Target sold ___ it also sold spider monkeys. They cost $60 ___ , and you could also buy outfits for the monkeys for $6 each.
Get The Machete! (3) Exotic PetsWhen I was growing up, my dad became ___ with exotic pets. We had a little bit of extra money at one time and my Dad used ___ to buy exotic pets. He and I ___ go into a pet store, the owner would come out, which apparently is a big ___ , he'd turn the sign on the door to CLOSED, he'd take us into the back room and be ___ , You wanna buy these? I don't even know what it is.
Get The Machete! (4) The SnakeSo I come ___ Christmas morning and there's a box under the tree for me. I open it up and it's a python, which is a snake. I look at my dad and I'm like, I don't know what you got me for Christmas but at some ___ during the night a snake got in here and ate it. And my dad's like, That's the snake you always wanted! And I'm like, This is probably because we have the same name, you have ___ us again.
Get The Machete! (5) The Machete, RevisitedPythons may not be poisonous but they ___ have teeth. You really don't want to ___ with them, least of all ___ rubbing their nose in their own pee. The snake waits until my dad gets close enough and then it ___ its move—it sinks its teeth into my dad's hand and it ___ on for dear life.
Oh This Wedding (1) Love Is For SuckersLast weekend, my friends Josh and Heather got married. Now, let me make one thing ___ clear right now: Love is for ___ . Jim Anchower's a free spirit. I can't let a woman ___ me back. You'll never see me walking ___ that aisle except as best man. Sorry to disappoint you, ladies, but that's just how it is.
Oh This Wedding (2) Biting BulletsIn my case, that's a huge ___ , but one that I'm willing to make. They say there's no such thing as a free ___ , but a wedding is as close as it gets. So you'd better bite the ___ and wear something nice.
Oh This Wedding (3) Careful NowThere are things that you have to be really careful about when it ___ to weddings. Like clothes. You can't just wear what you normally wear because then people will point at you and shake their heads and ___ to each other. It's really ___ and you spend the whole day wishing you had stayed home. This has actually happened to me a few times and I don't want it to happen ever again.
Oh This Wedding (4) The DeadbeatWhen I realized I had ___ turned up at the wrong church I got into my car and ___ over to where the wedding actually took place. I got there just in time to see the bride and groom drive off to the reception. ___ I knew a shortcut to the bar where it was taking place, I was able to get there before everyone else.
Oh This Wedding (5) Woozy'n'WastedEvery wedding I ___ invited to, I always give the happy couple some old boots that I would ___ throw away. It doesn't cost me anything and everyone always ___ there's some deep meaning behind it so no one ___ asks any questions.
My Rusty Old German (3)ME: It's painful to see all that knowledge ___ away.
FR: You still ___ it, if you ask me.
ME: Yeah, maybe. I need to ___ up, though.
FR: Don't we ___ ?
My Rusty Old German (2)FR: So what do you do when your German ___ you down?
ME: I usually ___ back on English. Everyone speaks English, don't they?
FR: And how is your English ___ to your German?
ME: I'd say it's a little better, but it's ___ from perfect.
My Rusty Old German (1)ME: Hey man, what are you so ___ up about?
FR: I just spoke German with this guy from Switzerland.
FR: And I ___ . It was a total ___ .